I come undone

Fast forward a week and I'm out of here. I've already referred in my previous blog entry that my current job is like a life in Hell-mouth straight out of 'Buffy the vampire slayer' TV show, but soon all bad is to as and I've finally given my two weeks notice and now I feel sooo relieved. A better job (and by now I think that ANY job is better than this one) is still just an uncertain prospect in my future, which I'm sure is soon to come to life and get some material form, but I just could not stand staying here for any longer or I would be risking becoming one of those surly faces I'm facing all day long at the moment. Up until this experience I've thought that a promise of 'friendly co-workers' and 'friendly working environment' was just that - words to describe something obvious and a must-have for ANY company. Turns out, this small yet so essential part of good job might sometimes be missing, making in turn a good on paper job to something entirely different.

Some compromises work for the best, but if they don't then they just don't and it's time to move on. And since I'm already feeling I'm becoming one of them - eternally unhappy, grumpy and dissatisfied co-workers of mine - it is better to move on than to dwell on the thought that all is bad, all is dark, managers are fools, etc. No job should be a battle for staying afloat and sane. 

The Final Straw

Since the company I’ve happily and proudly worked for the last couple of years is no more on the map, anticipating this unhappy event I’ve been looking for another position since like the New Year. In April I’d thought I’ve found myself a ‘jackpot’ in a form of an offer to come and join this quite well known international company. In theory and on paper this job offer was more than tempting – good salary, great benefits and appealing international environment, and more. This made me think I was joining a team of professionals where I could fit right in. Alas the very first weeks in my new job proved me wrong on like almost every single aspect.

I’m not so sure if my own definition of ‘professionalism’ is an exact match to that in a dictionary, but I strongly believe that only the very few of this new ‘team’ could be in any way described as professionals. Never in my life before have I’ve met so many people in one place which are so unhappy with their work, holding so many grudges towards one another to the extent that more than once I’ve witnessed people making ugly faces as they pass someone on their ‘bad list’. Oh, and I’m not even talking about all that angry gossip and buckets of shit they throw like out of the blue on one another at all times. The whole experience strongly resembles some sort of ugly war in which no one is safe and can at every moment get a stab to one’s back.

For the first month or so I was given an openly cold shoulder from like every single member of this new ‘team’ – none would speak to me but say ‘good morning’ and ‘good-bye’, unless they needed me to do something for them, etc. In my previous company I have enjoyed working in a tightly knit team of people who were all friendly, professional and thus at any point, even on a really bad day, I could say out loud ‘I LOVE my job’ and be true in every aspect. So, try to imagine my initial shock when in this new job I’ve found myself right in the middle of some sort of ongoing war. Oh, I was warned during the job interview that climate within the company could not be described as ‘friendly’, but never in my life I could have imagined that things could be THAT bad. In the very beginning I believed – ah, blame that on that streak of my personality which always tends to look for the best in others- that with time people would warm up to me and things would then get rolling smoother. Hm… in a way it did. Some of co-workers started at least talking to me, well, at least during coffee breaks or lunch i now was talked to, but whenever it came down to doing business… At this point I’m totally stunned with the fact that a company with nonexistent communications whatsoever and and with no respect for one another somehow manages to be operational and is able to do business at all.

I’m not sure how, why and when this total cease of internal communications has started nor why this ‘war’ has begun in the first place, nor at this point do i even care about ti, but these couple of months were hell and nightmare, and I’m just giving up. Fuck ‘em, but if I get shouted at and am bullied just because I am doing my work, or trying to do my work, I’ve nothing else to say but bid them all farewell until I haven’t lost my own humane face and respect for myself.

Being shouted at for no other reason but just because I’m new and don’t belong to any of the ‘alliances’ was the final straw which dipped the scales once and for good in favor of quitting. No one should be treated like shit at work, that’s simply all kind of wrong.

Small obsessions

Spring. Finally. Hey, the spring is finally here! Snow is rapidly melting and temperatures are rising. The increasing spots of snow free ground, though still mostly of just slushy mud, makes me a strong believer in a soon to come awesome greeness of the world around me. Ah, colours of the spring, I've missed you so much. Quoting one well known blogger, spring might be so late and summer so short in Lithuania so that we'd appreciate it more. I must agree that there is nothing better after long and nerve trying winter to finally get a first glimpse of a still brownish grass, and then in a few days suddenly notice it ain't brown anymore.
Dreams of a shopaholic. One of the best ways to replenish one's wardrobe these days is to do some on-line shopping. There's almost always a good sale with really low prices out there to be caught. Secondly, one can choose from many and many options and can actually save some time which otherwise would've been spent on walking from one shop to another. So for the past couple of days, while it was still pretty much a winter outside, but a premonition of spring to come has already haunted us, while on lunch break we’ve hatched a plan with girls at the office and immediately put it into action ordering loads of goodies. On the downside, on-line shopping is so much fun, that it’s a damn hard feat to stop shopping before buying way too much stuff or spending too much. Small obsessions are only as good as they don't hurt your wallet too much ;)
Career. Since things started to go downhill at work, I’ve started to actively look for another job, and since then have been to a number of job interviews. Some of them turned to be to a real no-no and what a heck I’m doing here kind, some of them sounded good/great but I was not the lucky one to get a job, but this last one stood out a lot between ‘em all.
Right before Easter a recruiter contacted me and asked if I’d like to enter for this administrative position in a very well known international company. Though in the end the company chose another applicant, this was one of those rare recruitments which leave a lasting impression and a really positive ‘aftertaste’ in the end. Professionally handled interviews, very specific and hands-on approach during the whole recruitment process is what makes me really like this company, if compared to some other interviews I’ve been to.

Hi, I might just want to work here. Or not

Forgive my ramblings, but putting this to words make things seem a little more distant and just less depressing, even if for a while.
Since things were getting worse at work ever since our new shareholder introduced this imbecile of a Managing Director to take over company’s wheel, I’ve started to look for a new job. Tweaking a CV is a feat on its own – time consuming and somewhat even depressing as I really hate being in a position of job seeker. But the real challenge arises when it’s time to go for an actual interview. On the one hand, I have to sell myself for a possible employer, on the other hand, I have to gather enough information on them to decide whether I’d like to work for them or not, and there are no real guidelines for that just your gut feeling. Luckily, I have a good gut feeling, and in most cases I’m able to make the right decision. It has never been wrong yet, though in some cases I’ve landed myself in a job instead of a JOB. The difference between two of ‘em is that in the first case you do your job and do it well, get your salary, but somehow it’s just that – it just somehow does not get under your skin and does not become a really important part of your life. In the second case, the Job is something you really love and enjoy doing, you feel content with what you do, and take pride in it.
My current position just until recently used to be the best Job in the world. I loved everything about it – people (still do), tasks, challenges, etc. But the dynamics of the company has changed so dramatically since, that going to work is now a real torture. And I’ve thought I had met the worst boss when I was working at SEM some 4 years ago, alas SEM manager was tame and really like REALLY competent (though this tale of my own about the Boss from Hell could make a separate entry at some point), if compared to the one we now have at VESL. And I know firsthand that working with incompetent fool degrades you too. And I’m not going there again. Not again, thank you.
So I’m out looking for the Job, and hopefully I’ll land with one soon. Fingers crossed.