Under the magnifying glass

For starters an old joke:
Consul : What is your name?
Arab : Abdul Aziz
Consul: Sex?
Arab : Six to ten times a week
Consul: I mean, male or female?
Arab : Both M ale and female sometimes camels
Consul: Holy cow!
Arab : Yes, cows and dogs too
Consul: Man,……… isn’ t it hostile?
Arab :Horse style, dog style, any style
Consul: Oh dear!
Arab : No no, no deer they run too fast.
Then a quote:
‘ <…> Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it’s the middle that counts the most. Try to remember that when you find yourself at a new beginning. Just give hope a chance to float up. And it will, too…’ (Hope Floats, 1998)
I find myself today somewhere between a scary beginning that might be and a certain level of being lost in translation while out there looking for THE Job. How is it going then? Relatively well since I’m still on track and still hopeful, though numbers in my bank account might not agree to that at all. So on the one hand I’m still looking for something to really catch my eye, where I would get this vibe of ‘I WANT to work here’ and all. But on the other hand, I’d like to get THE job already and like NOW or I just might end up shooting myself with a door handle, that’s how bored I’m getting with having too much spare time. Oh, I now hear voices of some of my friends asking me why wouldn’t I just start something of my own rather than look for yet another employment. Well, while self employment is certainly an option for many and many people out there, I just don’t want that for myself, not now, and possibly not ever. So that’s why I keep on browsing job ads and sending out my CVs. Until I do, I have loads of time to waste, many ads to read and reply to, and then an interview here and there to attend to.
It now feels good that after all that pre-holiday and post-holiday dead calm there’s plenty of activity in the job market, and after more than a month of complete silence things are, at least theoretically, starting to look good. Fingers crossed that I’ll get my 8 to 5 in no time at all. Wish it was one of the two options I’ve interviewed for recently. If not, then moving on to other possible right ones for me. My ‘magnifying glass’ all set and tweaked to spot all the clues for the right position I’m still in the wild hunting :)

Since this is like the second break in my career, I can dully note that sometimes when working 8 to 5 I get to the point that I just dream to have lots and lots of vacation days and spare time on my hands to waste, to read some book, to visit some museums or something else you want to do but never actually do. But when you actually end up having loads of time, it might not be all that fun at all. Oh, the first month is great I’ll give you that. It’s like a perfect vacation with ideas for what should I do next just bubbling inside and all, but sometime into the second or third month this honeymoon is suddenly over. Cinema, museums, reading, exercising, etc., etc. are still on, but the joy is all gone, and I start to long for doing some work instead of this ‘party’ thing. Money, though not yet under water in that area, is also becoming an issue. Once you’re short of regular income, here comes the dreaded ‘Do I really NEED to buy this?’ instead of sometimes so pleasant impulse shopping, partying, etc.

New Year in... 3, 2, 1

2012 is almost over, and looking back, I'd say that was the most challenging, trying, and mind screwing year so far. Hopefully 2013 will be at least a tad bit easier, and will give me some breaks I rather need.
Sometime ago either on-line, either in some magazine I've read this article on sleeping positions, and what they tell about you. Up until then I haven't had trouble at falling asleep, and I used to go out like almost the very moment my head'd hit a pillow to wake up to morning alarm in almost identical position and on the very same spot of my bed. Since I've read that article - or maybe that's just a coincidence - I have trouble getting comfortable, like the bed suddenly became hard or all possible sleeping positions uncomfortable, etc. Ah, if all was just about finding a new position or 'good' spot.
One year ago, right before Christmas 2011, we were told that our company is going to be sold. Now one year later we find ourselves sold for the second time in one year, and with things going downhill so fast it's really scary. 2012 was supposed to be the Year The World Ended. And in a way it did. Only on a much much lesser scale.
Same on personal side - all the ups of this year turned out to be the biggest falls and disappointments, so that finding inner poise was mission impossible. Starting with things which broke down out of the blue, ending with some relationships which burned to cinder in one go, I say 2012 was a truly nightmarish year, and as the year changes will gladly way it farewell, hoping the future is going to be brighter. If not... well, I might then buy some bright dyes and brighten it up all by myself ;)

Obstacle Course

Golden, Crimson and Darkness. Maples are still bright with receding golden and crimson leaves, and an already thick carpet of leaves has formed on the ground. Evening jogging sessions in a nearby forest are now the ones in the fast ascending gloom, but until we go back to winter time there will be enough light for a stroll now and then. A few more weeks, then we we turn clocks back an hour, and the forest will be out of limits - it will be just too dark to go there. Well, at least for jogging.
Fallen leaves rustle under my feet, hop, there's a fallen tree on my way, then yet another - almost a real obstacle course. Ever since the Western roundabout construction has begun the forest has been left unattended by caretakers, so when a tree falls, it stays there for long. On the other hand, even this obstacle race in a fast growing gloom is so much better than running in circles in a nearby school track. Alas soon that track will become my temporary homage for evening exercise sessions. Forest paths and hills will be visited only on weekends at day time or when the first snow comes. Once snow covers all the paths it will once again be bright just enough to brave all the curves.
Obstacle Race as an Epitome of Today. This year our company has been put up for a sale. After many and many months while decisions were made and some hands were finally shaken closing the deal, we were finally informed how everything ended. But has it really ended? Nah, quite on the contrary. The new owner finally decided to come visit and to shed some light on his plans regarding us. Well, the news are with this double layer bottom - 'Sorry guys, we never really wanted you, we only bid for you to make sure we get Estonian company. What's gonna happen to you? Well... most probably we're gonna sell you.' And I can bet one million I don't even own that I know who this yet another buyer could be, and I already cringe with this very thought. So now it's an obstacle course, and the only question is, if we're running from a wolf to a bear, or am I over thinking this whole thing after all and all won't be as bad as I envision. Let's just wait and see.

Like A...

 

...Rocky. Remember that old feature film 'Rocky' with Silvester Stallone? There is a scene in that movie, where Rocky victoriously runs up the many stairs and jumps a joy holding his arms up. Well, I've been jogging almost daily for a couple of past years, and once in a while I attempt to run up this one very steep hill non-stop. Uh-huh. So far not once I've managed to do that. Some way just past half of the ascend I run out of steam and just have to stop to catch my breath back or even to stop. But who knows maybe my jump a joy is just around a corner, and like Rocky one day I'll be all smiles on top of that damn hill :)